PART III: WHAT CAN YOU DO TO FEEL GOOD?

OPEN UP YOUR HEART TO LOVE

CATCH UP on PART I, PART II to learn about Survive vs Thrive mode and how to regulate your nervous system.

Have you ever answered a question like this?

How would you rate your overall level of happiness these days?

0 = very unhappy —------------------------- 10= very happy 

0     1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9     10 

How does your brain know?

Your brain does a back of the envelope calculation.

Happiness= (SUM of positive affect moments) – 3x(SUM of negative affect moments)

[a positive affect moment adds 1 point to your overall happiness score while a negative affect moment takes away 3 points from your overall happiness score]

You guessed it. The more positive moments you experience, the more you will rate yourself as happy. So get cracking!

In this substack, I hope to highlight the importance of social connection and good interpersonal relationships for your emotional wellbeing.

 

2. Practice forgiveness: Reconcile with a loved one or a friend. Holding grudges and resentments only hurts your mental wellbeing. Clear your heart and extend your hand in peace towards others.

Try this video using the SEDONA METHOD for relationships

3. Practice letting go of negative feelings around a particular issue. Remember most events that we perceive as bad may turn out to be gifts in disguise. First let go of your negative feelings then try to turn the situation into an opportunity or a new beginning. 

Try this video using the SEDONA METHOD for situations

Save the Sedona Method process in your notes. You can repeat this process alone as needed.

Step 1: Focus on an issue that is causing you distress. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling at this moment. Stay with the feeling. Notice where the feeling is building up.

Step 2: Ask yourself one of the following three questions:

• Could you allow this feeling to be there?

• Could you accept this feeling?

• Could you let this feeling go?

“Yes” or “no” are both acceptable answers.

Step 3: Then ask yourself: 

Would you let go of this feeling? 

Are you willing to let go?

Would you rather have this feeling or would you rather be free of it?

Step 4: Finally, ask yourself this simple question: 

When? When would you like to let go of this feeling?

4. Practice gratitude: There are numerous mental and physical benefits to the practice of gratitude like stress reduction, better sleep, less fatigue, better cognitive function, improved health and wellbeing and better connectedness. You can be grateful for material things, experiences, qualities and abilities you have, people in your life...

a) Write down Three Good Things that happened today 

• describe what happened 

• how it happened

• why it happened and

• how it made you feel

b) Keep a weekly gratitude journal and list things, people or events you are grateful for. Reflect on how much better your life is with these blessings in your life.

5.  Practice filling your relationship piggy bank

Think of an important relationship in your life (at work or your personal life)

Consider making a deposit in your relationship piggy bank. 

Remember you need at least 3 to 5 positive interactions (deposits) to offset 1 negative interaction (debit)

• Is there a quality about them or a behaviour that you can praise?

• Is there something they have done for you that you can express gratitude for?

• Could you give them a hug or a smile or a nod of approval?

• Can you do something for them that would make them happy?

• Could you ask them how they are and be attentive to their reply? 

• Maybe you can write them a gratitude letter

  

Source

6. Practise empathy towards yourself and others. It will improve your relationships and boost your happiness.

1. Speak to yourself as you would speak to a dear friend (check out how to silence the saboteur voices in your head)

2. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person. What might be going on for them?

3. Imagine yourself or the other person as a child. This will activate your caring instinct.

7. Practise random acts of kindness: This practice alleviates depression, uplifts your spirit and leads to a positive cycle of reciprocity. A smile, a greeting, ceding your seat to an elderly …. 

8. Be of service to humanity. Research shows that serving others has a positive impact on our wellbeing. Join like-minded people in serving a cause you believe in or working for a charity that is making a difference in your local community or the world. (Watch The Eastern Path To Happiness)

CONSIDER WATCHING THIS VIDEO SERIES to build Healthy Relationship Skills (20 videos)

Next week, I am taking out my full clown gear as I will be sharing with you all the tips and tricks up my sleeve to help you create happy moments for yourself… Stay tuned for Part IV.

DISCLAIMER: I take no commission from any of the above programs. I am sharing them because I have personally tried them and found them beneficial and I am hoping you would benefit from them too.

DISCLAIMER: All  information provided by Abir Ballan is solely intended for educational purposes and is not a substitute for expert advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Abir Ballan has a Masters in Public Health, a graduate degree in special needs education and a BA in psychology. She is a children’s author with 27 published books.