WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND HOW TO DO IT
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND HOW TO DO IT
If you are disgruntled by the state of the world and you feel that you can’t change it, you are probably right but remember, the world changes when we, as individuals, change and focus on our circle of influence (our families and our local communities).
Figure out what you want: what do you value most in life? Who do you want to be? And what kind of life do you want to live? Then decide on the small steps you will take in that direction. Your sense of integrity will flourish once your actions are inline with your values. Keeping the promises you make to yourself is the best route to self-respect (i.e., self-esteem).
===> Got to STEP #2: FIND PURPOSE AND MEANING IN YOUR LIFE. The life crafting exercise and the clarify your values exercise are useful tools for self-reflection
Adopt a growth mindset (as opposed to a fixed mindset). People with a growth mindset believe they can learn, they transform and they can improve with effort and discipline.
Start with the easiest smallest change. Small actions lead to big change. (Attempting a major change all at once is setting yourself up for disappointment)
Consider small changes in different areas of your life (work, family/social life, physical and mental health, spiritual life). They add up synergistically to help you actualise your true self.
Stay within your zone of proximal development (ZPD) (a little bit challenging but not overwhelming or frustrating). Your ZPD is determined by the relationship between the difficulty of the task and your ability level.
Break down a big change into manageable milestones (e.g., if your goal is to get physically fit, start by walking for 15 min every day for the first week. Then increase by 5 min every week until you reach 30 min/day. Then add 15 min of mobility exercise for two weeks… Build your strength, stamina and mobility slowly and gradually.
Make yourself a promise. Write “I will …” statements
Set SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time bound). e.g., “I will walk for 30 min every day at 6 pm”, “I will practise mindfulness for two min, 3 times every day”, “I will eliminate processed food from my home within one month” …)
Make a public commitment . Tell your friends, colleagues, and family about your new lifestyle or your mission in life. Maybe ask them to support you or nudge you if that would help you.
Build your tribe of like-minded people. It is much easier to change with others, while having fun. (e.g., walk with a friend, organise healthy picnics, plan a dance party…). This is a great way to avoid peer pressure. Imagine quitting drinking and going out with your drinking buddies. How will that work for you? “Oh, just have one drink. One drink is not going to kill you” or “ Loosen up, have one drink” –basically telling you that you are uptight if you don’t drink. Choosing to Be around these friends makes your desired change harder, doesn’t it?
Be regular. Put it in your schedule. It takes 30 days to form a new habit.
Track your progress and enjoy the rewarding feeling (dopamine boost) of small achievements.
(eg, make a table with 5 mindfulness breaks per day. Tick every time you practise)
Create a system to make the change easy for yourself (e.g., set reminders, combine it with another activity you already do (e.g., combine mindfulness practice with waking up, eating lunch and going to sleep…) or combine it with an activity you enjoy (e.g., listening to your favourite podcast while walking)
Make environmental modifications to make the change easier and less dependant on will power (e.g., make only healthy food options available at home, create a mindfulness nook in your home, delete social media from your phone, remove notifications– they disturb your peace of mind)
Remember the purpose behind your desired change. Ask yourself: What will this change do for me? (e.g., what will exercising regularly do for me? “It will allow me to be fit and strong”. What will that do for me? “I will be able to take care of myself”. What will that do for me? “It will allow me to stay independent as I age”. What will that do for me? “I will feel safe”. What will that do for me? “It will have peace of mind”. What will that do for me? “I will feel free”. Then, you can remind yourself of your highest value “freedom” (in this case) to help you stay on track.
Visualise that you have achieved your desired results (eg., visualise yourself with your ideal figure. What will you hear? What will you see? What will you feel? This exercise will increase the value of your future goal over the value of the present temptation. It is a great way to boost your dopamine levels and help you make better choices. Now isn’t having your ideal figure much better than that piece of disgustingly sweet chocolate cake with caramel sauce? 😉
Cut out the reward for procrastinating. When you skip your workout out of laziness, do the dishes instead of choosing an enjoyable activity like watching a movie.
Prepare yourself for potential obstacles. Prepare IF-THEN declarations: If I face obstacle A, then I will do action B. e.g., “If I crave chocolate, I will ask myself if I want to eat a steak with veggies. If the answer is YES, I can prepare myself a healthy meal. If the answer is NO, then I know I am not hungry so I will drink a glass of water and practice willingness (sitting with the sensation of craving, observing it, allowing it to be there until it subsides. I will tell myself “I can handle this uncomfortable sensation. It will pass through me”. Otherwise, if every time you reward the craving sensation with the desired treat, you will strengthen the cravings). Alternatively, write temptation planning statements: “I might be tempted to do X, BUT I know that X is bad for me or X will set me off my plan so I will choose Y instead.”
Uncover the reward of the undesirable behaviour, e.g., Ask yourself: What does smoking do for me? ”It helps me relax”…. What does that do for me? “it gives me a sense of serenity and peace”. Now put your creative hat on. Can you think of something else you can do to feel relaxed and get a sense of serenity and calm that doesn’t harm you?
Exercise self-compassion. When you fall short of your expectations, think of it as what it is: a stumble. If you forgive yourself and learn from your mistake, you’ll do better next time.
Avoid the triggers that tempt you to do the undesirable behaviour and make it harder for yourself to engage in the undesirable behaviour (e.g., avoid socialising with smokers if you want to quit smoking, buy only healthy food because that makes eating processed food really difficult)
Change your identity. Think of yourself as the kind of person who does the desired change naturally (the ideal you, the person you want to be or your true self). “I am a healthy person”. As you start doing the desired behaviours, this will, in turn, feed back into you self-identity concept and strengthen it.
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Disclaimer: All information provided by Abir Ballan is solely intended for educational purposes and is not a substitute for expert advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Abir Ballan is a Health Coach and a certified NLP and Time Line Therapy Practitioner. She has a Masters in Public Health, a Graduate Degree in Special Needs Education and a BA in Psychology. She is a children’s author with 27 published books.